What Will They Say?

I'm in such trouble.
How can I be an advaitan,
When I remain ambivalent
To their basic premise.

Who among my advaitan friends
Will respect me when the truth comes out,
That I have no idea whether or not this Experience of Being
Is simply due to this vehicle of perception,
And stops when the body dies?!

Nor do I care.

What if they discover that
I find it a tenable possibility that all that appears,
Does not appear to anything whatsoever –
Not even a formless something one might call "Consciousness" –
But is simply a process, a happening.

Like clouds appearing in the Empty Heavens,
Roiling for a time, then vanishing.
Like a river flowing, endlessly,
Moved by…

Must I know?

So much is possible
Beyond the capabilities of our minds
To comprehend.
Must I accept door number one?

I'm not saying this is so.
I'm not saying that is so.
I'm saying I haven't a clue,
About any of it.

And I'm saying I don't…care
One way or the other.

I'm saying that a stand, a position
In any view, is wholly irrelevant
To Liberation from self-identity,
To Illumination with Anandam,
The effortlessly ever-present Bliss of Being.

I say this because I am standless, knowing nothing,
And yet… am rapt in Awe and Wonder,
Rapt in Beauty, in Love,
And awash in the Bliss of Satchitananda.

But… how can that be,
If I am so hobbled in intellect
Not to have arrived, irrefutably,
At the advaitic conclusion?

Oh… what will they say when I tell them
I haven't a clue what exists,
Or doesn't exist,
During deep sleep?!

Who will respect me when they find out
I'm simply an Idiot,
Not caring one way or the other
Of such things?

I'm finished.

Now that the word's out,
No one will visit,
Knowing me to be simply a fool.

I wonder…
Is this a bad thing?

I'm so happy, at last, to have torched
Any notions that I am “enlightened”, a “sage”,
Or living in the “natural state”.
It's more a relief than Liberation ever was!

Thank God we've gotten that cleared up.
Now I am Truly Free!
Free of being the “Free” one!