What Am I?
I never enquired, “Who am I?”,
For I was quite familiar with “who”,
The name, the image of the “person”,
That… “felt sense”, and all that it entailed.
In my enquiry, it was not the “who”,
But the “what” that intrigued me,
As I wondered what I was,
Before ever I'd been told, or came to know…
All that I had come to take the “who” to be.
“What” was I, before ever I knew I was human,
Man or woman, fat or thin, stupid or smart,
Desirable or not, in any of countless ways,
Before the long history of “person building”…
And the relentless concern for stature.
And so I turned Attention Within,
No longer thinking “about”,
No longer moving in concepts “of”,
But enquiring with all my Heart, through Feeling…
In search of “what”, before “who” ever was…
Unable to turn my eyes upon myself,
To see the seer Within,
I saw, instead, that “what” I was,
Could never be found by sight…
Or by any sense revealed.
I could… Feel… myself.
I could Feel myself…
Not a thing alive, but simply,
And so I Rested in this Feeling of “I”,
And as Resting deepened ever more,
The Fragrance of Bliss began to arise,
Barely perceptible at first, so soft…
Like Jasmine on a gentle breeze.
And in time, “I” vanished… and yet remained,
As the Pure Essence of Myself,
Before space, before time, before objects ever were,
Before ever I was, as the subject-perceiver…
Before all sensations and perceptions, save one…
For Experience remained… without an experiencer.
And for this there are no words adequate,
No concepts or metaphors sufficient,
No images or forms analogous…
Though the scriptures speak of it as…
The Kingdom of Heaven.
The Great Mystery.
When manifestation returned,
The Heart was Blessed thereafter,
With the answer to my quest,
The Bliss of Heaven Shining…
Into the Garden of The Beloved.
The mind, desperate to “know”,
Remained then, and remains to this day,
Unable to comprehend or understand,
“What” it was that Is…
Before Creation appears.
“What” am I?
Formless… and Manifest,
Nothing… and Everything,
Nowhere… and Everywhere…
Lover… and Beloved.
“Where” am I?
In my Journey,
Into the Kingdom of Heaven,
I have yet to discover…
Where do I begin and end.