It was not something “done”,
Not a decision made,
Or a strategy employed,
To come to the Heart's Desire.
Not that I hadn't “tried” to Surrender,
And every other stratagem,
Finding them all, to my utter dismay…
Surrender just… came.
Not as a hallmark of Victory,
But rather… the fruition of Defeat,
A flowering, fierce and Absolute.
The death gasp of Hope and Faith.
Even a whisper of Hope remaining,
And I would have struggled on,
To create and sustain in Conditionality…
That which I longed to be without Condition.
There, in that Desert of Defeat,
I remained… and remained…
Until the last vestiges of Hope and Faith,
Fell from me like ashes.
What Wonder to discover there,
Where even demons will not go,
That… Faithless, and without Hope…
Only now, no longer anywhere to go,
No longer anything to be done,
No longer anything to refrain from doing,
Exhausted, Fully and Completely.
And so… “i” fell…
Head and Heart…
Into the Wellspring of Longing,
Here… in the Cave of The Heart.
And only then, sinking ever more deeply,
Came to Longing's Source…
In the Ocean of Pure Being, where…
Through Surrender's Unimaginable Grace…
“i” drowned… in the arms of The Beloved.